A loving partner will share your desire to strengthen your bonds and grow together. Relationship skills don’t come easily to everyone, though, and some people may need a little extra support with learning how to express feelings in healthy ways.
Love can be wonderful, but it can also be unpredictable and challenging. Nurturing and strengthening a relationship over time requires effort and dedication.
Read on to learn how to recognize when someone truly loves you and is willing to invest in the relationship long-term in a healthy way.
While love may not always feel easy, the reward of mutual, lasting love is worth the investment. People often say you’ll know when someone loves you, even if it’s not always through grand gestures seen in the media.
You can usually recognize real love by these 12 signs.
- You feel safe with them: A loving partner won’t hurt you physically or damage your belongings, pressure you into anything, make decisions for you, or isolate you from your friends and family. They support your opinions and goals and allow healthy expression of anger. If there is an unhealthy angry outburst, they will seek help immediately.
- They listen: A supportive partner listens actively by asking questions and waiting their turn to speak. They may not remember every detail, but they understand the important things: your preferences, aspirations, friendships, family relationships, and more. In a healthy relationship, both partners acknowledge the good and bad and consider each other’s feelings when addressing problems or concerns.
- They acknowledge your differences: Despite sharing a lot with your partner, you may have different perspectives and feelings. A loving partner will respect your individuality and engage in respectful debates without trying to control or criticize you. It’s important to be comfortable with agreeing to disagree.
- You can communicate easily: Good communication is key in a loving relationship, but it doesn’t mean sharing every thought. It’s okay to keep some private feelings to yourself. Venting to friends about minor irritations can be more productive than picking at them with your partner. However, it’s important to talk through the important issues and have your partner show up both physically and mentally for those conversations.
- They encourage you to do your own thing: A loving partner will recognize your individuality and support your friendships and hobbies outside the relationship. They will have their own interests and boundaries without trying to control yours.
- You trust each other: Trust and love often go hand in hand. If your partner loves you, they will likely trust you and not question your actions or invade your privacy. This trust also means they feel comfortable sharing their thoughts and emotions with you.
- They make an effort: Instant attraction is not the same as lasting love. Both partners must allow time and commitment to nurture their relationship. This means prioritizing time together, expressing an interest in getting to know each other, talking through conflict, agreeing to try new things together, and expressing commitment to mutual growth.
- You know you can collaborate or compromise: In healthy relationships, both partners work together to improve areas like communication or intimacy. It’s okay to make sacrifices, but they shouldn’t be one-sided. Love means finding a solution that satisfies both of you.
- They help you meet your needs: Romantic partners offer emotional support, but they can’t do everything for you. They will cheer your successes, be there for you when you stumble, and encourage you to seek additional support when you need it.
- They respect you: A respectful partner values you and your time together, supports your choices, and communicates honestly and promptly. They also use polite language and avoid pressuring you to compromise your boundaries.
- You see it daily: Your partner may not bring you lunch or lavish gifts, but they make you coffee every morning and remember important dates. Love is seen in everyday moments, not just grand gestures.
- They want the best for you: Love doesn’t always mean forever. Sometimes, it’s best to move on when irreconcilable differences arise. Your partner should want the best for you, even when it means letting you go.
If the person you’re with isn’t pulling their weight in any of these categories, this may be a red flag. That said, it doesn’t mean the relationship is doomed. In fact, it may be something you can resolve with good communication and counseling if needed.
Significantly unhealthy relationships usually exhibit more red flags with greater frequency over time. This may include:
- neglect of your needs or your partner’s
- pressure to change who you are for the sake of the other partner.
- worrying when you disagree,
- lack privacy, and sharing everything with your partner.
- difficulty finding quality time together or having no mutual friends.
- financial imbalance or other types of imbalances of fairness or equality in the relationship.
It goes without saying that you shouldn’t stay in a relationship with verbal, sexual, or physical violence. If you need help exiting such a relationship, visit the National Domestic Violence Hotline online or call 800-799-7233 for free, confidential support at any time.
Learn more: Domestic violence.
A loving partner will share your desire to strengthen your bonds and grow together.
Relationship skills don’t come easily to everyone, though, and some people need a little extra support with learning how to express feelings in healthy ways. Couples counseling can offer a great space to explore this together.
In therapy, you can practice good communication, explore goals for the future, and identify any areas of tension so you can address them before they create problems later.
Learn more: Open Lines of Communication: The 11 Best Online Couples Therapy Platforms
